Happy Birthday, Dad

As was my relationship with him, my relationship with my father’s birthday is complicated

Last week was my late father’s birthday. John Edward Gill III was born on August 31. While I did nothing to “celebrate” it, I did think about it before and after the actual date. Seeing as I live in the house he lived in when he died, even if I could somehow forget the date, he is sometimes an overwhelming presence in this place. It is one reason I consider selling the house from time to time.

Every year, for both of our birthdays (mine is August 17), we got cakes from Carvel. I didn’t do that this year but I did consider it. The image above is kind of a good representation of our relationship. I worshipped him as a child but then all I wanted to do was get away. In this image, he is holding me but it looks like I am struggling to smile and leave at the same time.

Last week, I also got into a conversation online with someone about abusive relationships. She was getting out of a romantic relationship with a jackass. He made her feel worthless like he was the only one who would ever love her and to leave him would be to leave love altogether. My father never said those words to me but he used others. My mother left when I was young and he would always tell me I am the one who stayed. After my mother read a recent…